Angry poem

I have nothing to say other than goodbye.  I have a hard time when I am jerked about by my heart strings.  I fucking hate it.  I hate to go from planning a trip out of town together in the future a month from now discussing hotel rooms -  to we don’t need to be together all within 5 hours.  Its because she is lost.  I am not a gps for her soul.  I am sitting here holding my heart in my arms like it was a baby because I don’t take care of it.  I run my mouth I say thing like

love and

can we get together and

Im sorry I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings really I didn’t and

Maybe you are right I hadn’t thought of it like that

she wants to be free and I pray for that but
she wants to be free of me and I want her to like me to want to be with me to plan and stick to it. But
That is not how she works.  She is a loose barrel on my deck smashing into things and she finally went overboard.

I just really should lash myself to the mast and ride this out. Not jump in after her drowning leaving behind what I have to take care of.