Music matters. It’s so integral and pervasive in our culture that it almost feels invisible. It’s even hard to imagine walking into almost any store without hearing music overhead. Culture provides a constant soundtrack to our lives. So it’s no wonder there’s so much discussion and debate…
its silly once I think about it.. more
Its rainy and I miss my kids i miss having a family, its true. But it illumninates other things too. Like now when my 9 year old son is asking me over and over for things while I am cooking I just let the anoyance wash over me like a warm breeze and just have to hug him breath in his curly hair and I am so glad I have that; that he lets me hug him. When my little girl writes on my journals or rips a favorite shirt or breaks a glass I keep the pieces because I know she was there… When I go out with Claire and wind up spending more than I though I should when I have to endure endless discussions on anime characters I have to deal with her teenage pms because my visit day happens to coincide with that I am just grateful i have chocolate. That is not feeling sorry for myself that is being aware of how much I still have of what I lost from whatever changes in my ex and myself wrought.
because change growth or digging my heels in and trying to live out some fantasy making great life changing mistakes of character is part of my life. That one day Ill be working on keeping love alive again but I will have a deep and abiding respect for what the higher power give to me to keep in my heart and for what I see around me. Way more than I ever had before, its part curse but, since I am it, I have to grow with it. Its true and I stayed for years in misery because I knew what I was going have to give up and I knew I would not be able to divorce myself.
Lately I seem to see my life, sometimes, like a performance art piece and I notice the stories all around me. I love facebook for that because I can create and interject myself in the drama… that can be a problem I know. but I was thinking about you and how adorable you are and the life that you have is. You seem so precious and you have a mothering and calm air. I really appreciate that like I appreciate the way the sun lights up a tree or the way a heron lands on a rock in the river.
“
| — | This is part of a letter I never sent |
no this is aching
shining down on her, bathing the bed she is in the damp wrinkled sheets the arm not mine around her slowly moving with her sleeping breath.
Moon is making me crazy. I am walking in my neighborhood. I am a cat or a fox or just some creepy guy in the dark tonight. gravel and the damp air the sound of trains and dogs.. looming clock towers and just up the street is the haunted house where I am going
to be a ghost
But my heart has hinges and they ease the open and closing. Hinges of gold I dug from this same damp earth from the friends who listen and actually care. I just need to see that.
That is what moonlight is for its just enough to see the road ahead
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
I love this song so much
Frightened Rabbit - keep yourself warm
Remember
Shhhh breath
Remember being held your mouth slightly open my lips on your ear. Remember you loved that.
The mountains of cruel intentions looming against you is far in the distance.
Remember you have traveled far from that fissured dangerous place
You are with me
in this rockwalled and turtle strewn place. I hold you in my breath as you meander along the lizard squiggled paths while you watch the slowly drifting summer castoffs twirling towards softest earth and the gentle wind cupped sun splashed sparkled water
I could glue you up like a broken china cup.
Sturdied fragility
I could blow the hotest healing wind to meld you back to whole
Unfortunately you have shelved that yourself. placed the pieces away.
I wait
Remember I was not willing to fight your urge to hide, run, close, or deprecate in the face of ongoing fear. For you that fear made real the shadow monsters the slowly drenching pain of loss and temperamental failures of interpersonal tempest tossed and you wont let go of the rope so I can save you. because you can stand here, you just wont believe will you. You bury yourself knee deep in hope and burning desperation
For the fortunes of this world are ever weightless
measured in moments of peace
the gentleness of wind on water and sunshine
Gifts of God are compressed beneath time and longing -
The space between you and me
Moments spent removed from present destruction
Moments touching, embraced in immaculate time
Carry me back to sun warm waterfilled aching distance
tears of gentle caress of world and wind
My shade dappled and renewn by shifting everpresent wind and rain
Precious moments spent with your children the soft brown eyes the stormy greyblue memory of I made it for you. The nestled face on my neck and the hand I held that I could feel the strength that grows within. My healing cherished burning coal against your lips to seal my word to you
